just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
