Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
