My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
