im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
