Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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