Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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