as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
