how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
