I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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