They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
