Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
