you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
