if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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