remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
