Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
