I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
