Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
