Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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