I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
