Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
