last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
