wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
