someone threw a dead crab at me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
