We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
