He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
