You made me cry and you don't even care
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
