She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
