So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
