"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
