Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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