Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's blow job season.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
