Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just had sex on a roof
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
