he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I want a musical about memes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
