Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
