did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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