You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This baby is an asshole
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
