I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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