Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
