woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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