You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
