He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
handjob tips. give me some.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
