Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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