I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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