Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
