do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
