I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
