Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
