6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
