Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
