totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
