the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
